To listen to the blog post “5 Reasons You’ll NEVER Be Happy In A Unequally Yoked Relationship” over reading it just click the play button below.
What does it mean to be unequally yoked in a relationship? I am going to break down this answer so that it would now and forever be broken. Because so many of you are in unequal relationships and you do not even know it because you do not even know what does unequally yoked even mean. Don’t forget to check out my video below, also on this topic, and click here to subscribe to my channel for additional content.
To first answer that question I want to make sure you have a clear definition of what being equally yoked means versus being unequally yoked. Some of you are sitting here in terrible relationships wondering WHY your relationship sucks or you man won’t get it together when really it is because you are unequally yoked. Because you have to sets of values and because you are on two different levels altogether. In case you do not know what I am talking about I am going to give you the definition of both equally yoked and unequally yoked so we can start from there.
1. What does it mean to be Unequally Yoked In A Relationship ~ Equally yoked meaning
Being equally yoked is the formation of a relationship between two people that have similar things to offer each other and balance each other out. This can be spiritual, intellectually, or a combination of many things. But being equally yoked means that each person is bringing the same thing to the table. And that does not mean money, but rather value to the relationship.
Case In Point:
The following story is an excerpt from my book specifically for single women which you can read more about by clicking here. This excerpt comes from the chapter on being equally yoked. I had to use this story so that my point could be perfectly illustrated.
Being equally yoked means there is a relationship between two people that have similar things to offer each other and balance each other out. One person should not be leeching off the other. One person should not be bringing everything to the table while the other person brings nothing. This balance can come in all different types of ways, but essentially the relationship should NOT be unbalanced. Let me tell you a story. I was talking to a girlfriend who was dating a rich man and had been on a few dates with him. She told me that she had been laid off and that she hinted on a date that she could not pay her bills and that she expected the man to give money to her. I was very much against this because, in a sense, she was using the man. Here he was trying to get to know her. They, had only been on a handful of dates, and already she had her hand out. She did not have her life together, she could not offer him emotional support; all she did was complain and ask him for money. Out of all the women in the sea, WHY would he choose that type of woman to be with? He was not getting anything positive from the relationship. She didn't have to have the same amount of money he did, but he should at least feel like she was bringing value to the relationship. But she didn't. She just brought complaining, asking him for money, and talking about how life sucked.
Who wants to listen to that? Being equally yoked means that each person is bringing the same thing to the table. And that does not mean money, but rather value. For example, in the situation I just mentioned instead of being Debbie Downer and sucking the life out of him with all of her problems, she could at least have brought a positive attitude to the table, be someone he wanted to be around, or show him a side of herself worth getting to know instead of coming to a date with her hand out. No one wants to feel used.
2. What does it mean to be Unequally Yoked In A Relationship ~Unequally yoked Meaning?
These types of relationships are relationships in which one person is giving more, being more, or has different beliefs than the other person. Leaving the relationship unbalanced.
Example of an Unequally yoked relationship include:
- He does not like children (and you have children).
- He is an atheist (and you believe in God).
- He does not have a job, car, and no motivation to do anything whatsoever, while you are a productive member of society. (also check out my blog on if a man does not work he does not eat)
The key to finding the relationship you want is not to spend time on relationships that are not going to go anywhere also know as not spending time on unequally yoked people. Before you engage with someone, there are always signs that this person is crazy, a stalker, controlling, abusive, wants to use you for what you have, or does not have your same morals and values. The key is to weed out these men before you get invested. Because getting invested with an unequally yoked man will always cause you problems in the future. (Also check out my blog on relationship deal breakers).
3. What does the Bible say about being unequally yoked?
For the Bible states:
“For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 2 Corinthians 6:14
This poses a good question. What does the darkness have to do with the light? What business does a good woman have being with a bad man? Why should a faithful person be with a cheater? Why should someone who works hard be with a lazy person? Why should a Christian be with someone who worships the devil? It makes NO SENSE.
Here is another excerpt from my book:
If you are a Christian, then yes you should seek out another Christian but that is a given. More than anything what are you bringing to the table? And are you looking for someone who can bring something similar? There is no reason for your whole life to be a hot mess where there is nothing good about you and you have absolutely nothing going for yourself. Do you think that it would be fair for a man who works hard, has a good job, and has everything going for himself to want to be with you? How would that be fair to him? How could you be equally yoked if you bring nothing to the table and you bring him down? I know that what I am saying it harsh, but it should also have you take a look at yourself and really evaluate who you are and what you have going on. You must be what you want in a mate. Coming into a relationship, BOTH people need to feel like they are winning by being with one another. That goes for you too. As a woman if you have it going on, then why would you go with a loser who is not doing anything with himself?
Click here to by my book Fix it Jesus! For Single Women Only: The Straightforward No-Nonsense Guide To Dating, Relationships, and Self Improvement. Also, if you want to read more of my book then I want to give you the first chapter for free. Just click here or the picture below to get it.
4. What does it mean to be Unequally Yoked ~ What It All Boils Down To
What being equally yoked all boils down to is:
“Before getting into a relationship, you must know if you have the same values and if you want the same things.”
Case in Point
I once knew a woman who married a man and he wanted her to sleep with other men, while he watched. She was not into this lifestyle because she was a Christian but did it anyway because she wanted to keep her husband. She wanted to make him happy. My only question to her was how in the world did she find herself in such a CRAZY situation.
And the answer comes down to this. Like the Bible verse says what does the darkness have to do with the light. They were two completely different people who wanted two completely different things. And now she is stuck in a situation with a man that she is NOT equally yoked with and he is sucking her into doing things that she feels is morally wrong.
The last thing you want to be is a wife that is getting passed around and pimped out by your husband. Him thinking that it is okay and her feeling used and abused because they are not the same. They do not value the same things. And they do not want the same things. And therefore, they do not go about marriage in the same way.
But had she been with a man that was equally yoked to her, then that is not something that would have been an issue. She would have valued her husband and he would have valued her. The Bible requires that a husband love their wives as Christ loved the church.
Now if she was with a Christian man she may have been treated differently because the Bible teaches husbands how to love their wives and has very specific scripture on this. But with a worldly man, you get a worldly marriage. And for her, that meant being an appetizer and being sampled by any and every man around town.
5. What does it mean to be Unequally Yoked ~ What it is and is not
Now, I feel it is only fair to put at a disclaimer. Because some people can go overboard with this equally yoked thing.
Being equally yoked is NOT:
- He must have less than 1% of body fat on his body because you have less than 1% on your body.
- He must talk to his mother every day because you do.
- He must be fluent in 5 other languages because you are.
Let’s not get crazy. You are still two different people and you are going to be different. You need to realize that everyone has imperfections and they are not going to be your clone. Focus on the things that matter. A way to re-frame the above statements to something that is realistic consist of:
Being equally yoked is:
- Fitness has to be important to him and he must take his health seriously.
- He must have family values.
- He must be open to other cultures or have experienced other cultures.
And even in the above instance, I would not consider them deal-breakers. Deal breakers would be:
- He has no job and never wants to get a job.
- He does not want children and you want to have to have children or you already have children.
- He is apart of the Klu Klux Klan and you are black.
These are things that are BIG deals. That you cannot work your way around and would put you on two different playing fields altogether hence being unequally yoked. In closing, being equally yoked in a relationship means that you must find your equal in all areas of your life, not just in the spiritual realm. You want someone to add to what you have and not take away. Always maintain a level head when dating and never get so head over heels that you overlook important things about his personality that does not go with yours.
If you know someone who may need to read this post then don’t forget to share it with them.