To listen to the blog post “Am I Ready To Get Married? 5 Easy Ways To Find Out” over reading it click the play button below.
In this post I am going to answer the “am I ready to get married question”? Because the fact of the matter is that a whole lot of women want to get married but if you were to enter into a marriage tomorrow you would be headed to a divorce a few months later? Marriage is more than just wedding planning, table decorations, and planning a big party. Don’t get so caught up on the idea of the wedding or just fantasize that marriage will be perfect because if you do you will disappointment yourself.
Marriage is selfless, it takes a lot of patience, love, and the willingness to put the other person’s needs over your own if need be. You may have insecurities (see my blog here) or other issues that can prevent you from being ready for marriage. Wanting to get married and being ready for marriage are two different things.
The last thing you want to do is be a dysfunctional person and bring all of your crazy baggage into a marriage, which will not help you or the person you want to be in a relationship with (see my blog here for more on that topic). And the last thing you want to do is be so desperate to get married that you just pick up any person and you end up in an emotionally abusive relationship. Now I want to take an excerpt from my book for single women to show you what I mean.
People tell you that it is hard, but unless you are in it or are in a place where you see what really goes on in people's marriage, you really cannot grasp how hard it is and how so many people jump into marriage unprepared thinking that being married is going to solve all of their problems and be one big lollipop and gumdrop as they prance through the glistening sun. Being married can be a wonderful thing, but a solution to all your problems . . . no it is not. In fact, getting married may add on to your problems. It may add on your debt, your stress levels, and how long you are able to even tolerate another person. This is why I want you to ask yourself, Am I really ready to get married? If you are not or you don't know, I have compiled a list of things that will help you determine if you are ready to get married and help you know what you need to do to get married.
1. Am I Ready To Get Married Are You Financially Stable?
When are you ready for marriage? Simple, when you can provide for yourself. Being financially stable can mean a lot things. You do not have to be rich or have a million dollars in your account, but what you should have is a way to support yourself. You should not get into a situation if you do not have a penny to your name, you will just be bringing a lot of stresses into the marriage.
Marriages often break up over finances, so make sure that your finances are in order. Make sure that you are financially stable and make sure that the person you are looking to marry is financially stable as well. (Also Check out my blog on being equally yoked).
Being financially stable also means checking your spending habits. Once gain you cannot get married and spend your husbands whole paycheck and not have money to pay your bills or your rent. In fact, if you are spending all of your money NOW and you have trouble making ends meet then you have a serious spending problem all of which is NOT conducive to a relationship.
If your electricity is getting turned off every month, your car is getting repossessed, and you regularly have to put your bills in other people name because your credit is shot to crap then you need to focus on building yourself up financially and get yourself into a place where you can be more stable.
A marriage can go a lot better if both people bring financially stability into the relationship. And as an additional tidbit, when you do get married I really do hope you stay married but if by chance your marriage ends the last thing you want is to go back into poverty because you never learned to save your money and be financially responsible. I am a realist what can I say? I also talk about in my video down below is marriage an economic contract. Don’t forget to subscribe to my channel by clicking here.
Are You Ready For Marriage & What you can do now?
- What I suggest is you checking out places like Green Path Counseling (that offers free financial counseling).
- Or even Nerd Wallet for free financial resources and tools that will help you plan.
- Also, check out Credit Karma to regular keep track of your credit changes and get free monthly reports that will keep you updated on changes to your credit.
- Also try investing. Easy apps like Stash can help you save for retirement, have a savings account, and teach you investing.
When Are You Ready For Marriage ~ The Following Should Be Your Financial Situation
- You are not going broke every month and barely getting by.
- You know how to properly manage your money independently and you are not regularly relying on other people (friends, family, or parents for money).
- You have some form of income that you are able to financially support yourself.
2. Am I Ready To Get Married~ Are You are Happy
Are you ready for marriage? You will know when you are happy to be happy on your own. Which I have a video about down below. Which is an excerpt from my book Fix It Jesus for single women only which you can click here to buy.
Marriage can bring joy and happiness into your life, but you should not be looking to get married because you feel that marriage will make you happy (check out my blog on how to be single and happy). If you look for a marriage to be your source of happiness, you are going to be disappointed.
Marriage is a lot of work, it requires a lot self-sacrifice, and so if your expectation of marriage is that you want to be with someone so that they fulfill you and will be your source of happiness, think again. People are imperfect, even if they love you they will let you down, sometimes they leave, sometimes they do things you don’t want them to do, sometimes they hurt your feelings, and there are millions of things that are going to go wrong in a marriage that will probably make you feel some type of way to put it lightly.
And your happiness will always be contingent on what the other person is doing when really you need to be happy on your own. If you are not happy right now, even if you think you are unhappy because you are not married, your source of unhappiness probably comes from a deeper place. You need to resolve that, before thinking about getting married. When you are ready for marriage then you can be happy on your own.
Am I ready to get Married ~ What can you do now?
- You can consider counseling or even life coaching. You can click here to see the life coaching services I offer (email, telephone, and video) and to schedule an appointment.
You Will Know Am I Ready To Get Married When…
It is like the Bible verse says: I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:11-13
All this really means is that no matter if you are in a relationship, single, dating, by yourself, or whatever phase of life you are in. You are content and you require only what is within you and God to make yourself happy. You do not need anyone else to do or be that for you.
3. Am I Ready To Get Married ~ You have gotten everything out of your system.
When you ask yourself am I ready to get married ask yourself are you ready to give up your single life. As a single person you can go where you want, do what you want, and work how long you want, without having to answer to anyone. In marriage, you can’t do that. You are held accountable to your spouse; you cannot just take off for a three-day weekend without letting your spouse know.
You cannot go out with your girlfriends without letting your spouse know. Your life is really not your own, you are sharing it with someone else. Your marriage comes first and foremost and you have to be responsible for keeping it together. So if you know, that you have not gotten everything out of your system, and there are things you will want to do don’t get married. Even if you are working 100 hours a week to climb the career ladder at your job, it is best to hold out getting married because you do not have the time to nurture a marriage if you are in a season where you want to focus on yourself.
Are You Ready For Marraige ~ What can I do now?
If you are asking yourself am I ready to get married then do this. Find out what you want to do and go after it with everything you have. People think that getting married is the prime time to live their dreams when really being single is the time to do that. Once again like the
Bible verse says: “An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world”how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord. 1 Corinthians 7:32-35
Do not mistake this verse thinking that you need to go join a convent. But being about the Lord’s affairs is living your best life according to where you feel you need to go, using your specific gifts to propel yourself forward on that path. I I also recommend you watch my video below on how to can live your best life before you get married.
When Are You Ready For Marriage, You Will Know Because
- You will be okay if you were not able to go out with your friends and stay out to 3am.
- You are okay giving up regularly clubbing, partying, and going out most nights. This is not to say you can’t go out. But as you get married and then have kids these activities will not be daily or even weekly.
- You are willing to put your marriage before your job. If you know you still are trying to make partner and work and have to work 100 hours a week to do it, then you are not ready.
- You feel you have dated enough and lived enough life that you will not feel limited if you were to settle down.
4. Am I Ready To Get Married ~ Do You Have Unrealistic Expectations Of Marriage
I want to start this section off with an excerpt from my book for single women (click to buy) as it will illustrate my point perfectly.
How many times have your told yourself, I want to get married? How many times have you imagined that when you get married, it would be the perfection that you have always longed for? You think that all the depression and sadness you felt as a single person will magically disappear because now you can call yourself Mrs. and that you will be made whole again once you and your betrothed walked down the aisle. Don't play yourself. And so many of you are playing yourself because this is what you think and this is how you walk around acting. You want a husband, but you may not even be ready for a husband. Sometimes it can be so easy to think that because you want to get married that you are ready for marriage. I could want a million dollars, but am I ready for a million dollars? What I mean is I could get a million dollars but if I have a spending problem within a year all that money may be gone. So yes, I got what I wanted but it did not help me because I was not responsible with it. It is the same thing with marriage.
Some people want to get engage, plan the wedding, and never really knows what comes after that. Being engaged is fun and planning a wedding is fun, but that does not last forever. Once you are married there is no more excitement and events surrounding your marriage.
Marriage is your new normal and you need to know what that looks like. No one is going to want to see your engagement ring forever, your husband is not going to sit there and be your entertainment, and life is not going to be like Mary Poppins.
You kids will get all your nerves, your husband will get all your nerves, and there will be plenty of moments that married life is not just going to be lollipops and gum drops. The danger of having an unrealistic expectation of marriage is that the moment something goes wrong you will convince yourself you made a mistake and you ready to jump into a divorce 6 months after getting married. Which I also talk about in my video down below.
Are You Ready For Marriage ~ What can I do now?
- You get my book Fix It, Jesus! For Single Women Only. The Straightforward No-Nonsense Guide To Dating, Relationships, and Self Improvement (click here to buy) for advice.
When Are You Ready For Marriage, You Will Know Because…
- Your motives for getting married are not selfish. You are no longer thinking about what you can get but what you can give.
- You don’t expect that getting married is the quick fix to making your life better and perfect.
5. Am I Ready For Marriage ~ Know Yourself and Know What You Need
- “In a marriage your spouse should compliment you and you should compliment your spouse. “
You cannot say that you need a man that is 6 foot tall that has a 6 pack. Do you really need that? Or do you want that? What you need are things that go beyond the surface level. You need someone that is going to compliment you and compliment your personality. You need someone that is going to drive you toward your purpose. You need someone who is going to encourage you and someone that is going to push you to be your best. You need someone that is going to be a good father in case you have children.
As I said in my book for single women I WAS a SERIAL offender of not knowing what I needed in a man and what I wanted.
I remember when felt I needed a man who was six feet tall with a six-pack. But did I really need that or did I want that? What I needed was a man to compliment my personality. I needed a man that was going to love my son. So if a man captures everything I NEED but is 5 feet 10 inches, then I should not turn him away for such a superficial reason. It takes a good woman to really step back and say to herself, What type of man do I need that will go well with me and my life? Being able to answer that question takes a lot of self reflection and self-awareness.
Am I ready To Get Married ~ What can I do now?
The best thing you can do is to get to know yourself. How can you really know what will compliment your personality if you do not know what you are, what you are good at, and what you like. I personally recommend taking the free personality test 16personalities. Of course this is not a crystal ball but it does give you some insight on what type of person goes well with your personality. Below in a snapshot of my relationship section as I am an ENTJ. Also check out how to pick a career based on your personality by clicking here.
This personality test for me is amazingly accurate and so if you just don’t know where to start, this is a good place and read all of the sections just to get to know yourself and your personality. And then even read the other personality types of the types of men you may be more compatible with. That way you can get a good idea on what type of man will compliment your personality.
When are you ready for marriage? You Will Know Because…
- You will have self-awareness which means “conscious knowledge of one’s own character, feelings, motives, and desires.”
- Know your purpose, where you are going in your life, and what would be the best type of man to add on to what you already have.
Those are all of the tips that I have for am I ready to get married, what you can work on, and how you will know when you have improved yourself in that specific area. Remember, marriage is not perfect but it is intended to be an enriching experience. The better you are and the better man you choose will give you a better chance of success.